Why I Like to Watch Television Alone

I don't get it. It happens every fucking day, and I still don't understand it.

Let me begin by saying that we have three televisions in our house. There are four of us in the family. Why the fuck is it that everyone wants to gravitate towards the television that I am watching at the moment and not either of the other two that aren't in use? I honestly don't know.

Watching TV with someone could be tolerable, hell, it could even be fun. But it isn't. You know why?

I'll tell you why.

1. I'll be watching something, and one of my family members will plop right down and not but two minutes later, they'll start criticizing the show I'm watching. First off, I didn't ask you to watch TV with me, you didn't ask if it was okay to watch TV with me. But then you start going off about how the show or someone on it is stupid. If you honestly don't like it, nobody's making you stay. Get up and leave.

2. I really don't like being on the receiving end of 20 Questions when a family member decides to tune in 5 minutes into the movie. I was watching the movie "Misery" last night, y'know, the one where Kathy Bates goes at the guy's legs with a sledgehammer? That one. Well anyway, my brother decided to watch with me (I had seen the movie before) and since he's not patient enough to watch the damn movie to get the answers, he starts rapid-firing dumbass questions at me like, "Who is that?", "What happened to him?", "What is she doing?" and I was getting fed up with the interrogation. IF YOU JUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE DAMN MOVIE, YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT, IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

3. I did not ask for a commentary. I am trying to watch the program, and you just keep talking and talking about small aspects of the movie that aren't altogether that important to the plot. Just watch the movie/show and keep your thoughts to yourself. ZIP YO' DAMN LIP.

4. Whenever someone decides they want to watch TV with me, they always choose a seat that's really uncomfortable for me. See, there are two couches in the area that I watch TV, and for some reason everyone finds the need to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I like to spread out and lay down on the couch, and if I sit up for just a few minutes, someone will stroll on by and sit in a seat directly next to me, even if there's stuff like my laptop or drawings on it. There are TWO couches. Pick the one that's NOT occupied.

Even when I'm away from the television for an extended period of time, I still get pissed off because people move my stuff that I'm busy with (like if I'm halfway through sewing a hat and I take a break) and/or they put their own stuff in my space. Also, they monopolize the TV and I have to wait like 30 minutes for them to get bored and leave. But then someone else will join in and ask me to turn just as I get the TV to myself.

And there's no real way to resolve these problems because my dad won't let me get a TV for my room.

You may be wondering why I spend so much time watching TV. It's because it's almost the end of summer, and school is about to start, so nothing interesting is happening and I have nothing better to do.

Bwahhhhh.

Most Things in Life Aren't Free (Especially Hats)

I have come to believe that some people are under the impression that I'm going to give them a hat for free.

For those of you who don't know already, I make and sell hand-sewn fleece hats. Since I hand-sew these, they take quite a long time to make. Believe me, if our sewing machine hadn't tried to eat my hand, I would be using that instead. It would be much more efficient, but the last time I tried using it, I accidentally screwed up the thread in the machine and I really don't feel like trying to fix it.

Anywho, I put great effort into crafting these hats, and it pisses me off when I post a picture of one, then get tons of  replies/messages/comments from people asking if they can have one or requesting a custom-made one, without any mention of payment or price point.

Let me lay it out for you people: I'M NOT GIVING AWAY MY HATS FOR FREE.

Yes, I have given people free hats before. But that's only because a) they're one of my close friends or b) it was their birthday. If we don't have some sort of weekly conversation, don't know everything about each other, or we haven't done something together (movies, hanging out, etc.), chances are I won't just give you a hat.

Fleece hats are neither easy nor quick to make. I don't just pump these things out like a rabbit pumps out babies. Free fleece doesn't magically appear in my storage bin. I can't just project a design idea onto a hat and make it work perfectly. And I certainly don't have a replicator from Star Trek. I don't even have a working sewing machine.

I wish it worked this way, but it doesn't. D:

The only reasons I'd give anyone a free hat nowadays is if we had some sort of trade, you did something extraordinary that I felt deserved a hat, or if it's your birthday and I talk to you on a regular basis.

If you're wondering about a price estimate for the hats, I'd say that generally they're about $15. We can work out some sort of agreement if you can't pay that amount or more, or some other circumstance.

So yeah, that's my angst for today.

Anyway, there's a good chance I'm going to a Comic Con in Chicago soon, but I'm not entirely sure. If I do go, I might walk around and try to sell some geek hats.

Also, I'm going to Wisconsin for the weekend, and I'm not sure if I'll have wifi at the campsite, so don't take offense if I don't reply to anything for a couple of days.

"I want the old Facebook chat back! WAHH WAHH WAHH!"

"The new sidebar is stupid!" "We want the old chat back!" "Whiney whine whine wahhhh!"

Why the FUCK are you people even complaining about this? How many fucking times do I have to explain this to you?

Let me just say it. There IS a way to hide that annoying-ass sidebar that we all hate so much. Of course it's annoying, and of course the old chat works just fine. Just follow these three steps, geez.

"Wow, Emily! You're a fucking GENIUS!"

No sir, I am not a genius. Not yet. You may be asking yourself, "How did she find this miraculous solution to my most vexing problem?" Well, for one, I don't stick my head up my ass every time something new happens to Facebook. With two clicks I figured out how to hide the damned chat sidebar on the day it first appeared.

Now that you know the solution, please stop making Facebook groups saying "X amount of people to get old chat back!" because you look fucking retarded.

That is all.
SPREAD THE SOLUTION

Yumz's Next Goal is Brain Control

You heard me. The gourmet frozen yogurt parlor you all love is a ruse.

You people sit there and eat away like there's no tomorrow. Everyone flocks to Yumz after hitting up the movie theater or a day of shopping. They probably serve over a hundred people a day. They'll keep raking in money, you'll keep filling your bellies with frozen yogurt.

But what you don't realize is that soon, Yumz is gonna put nanobots in their innocent-looking frozen yogurt. Those nanobots will be programmed to tell you that you want more and more frozen yogurt. They will overpower surrounding businesses and seep in through the cracks in the wall, and then every single store around town will be controlled by Yumz. Everyone will become Yumzombies that crave frozen yogurt instead of brains. Yumz will control Wall Street. Every business in America will be a Yumz. No need for grocery stores, there'll be frozen yogurt to eat. Mattresses? Forget it. We'll SLEEP on frozen yogurt. Our CLOTHES will be made from frozen yogurt.

Then there'll be a group of rebels who will take down the Yumz, store by store, Yumzombie by Yumzombie. Then they'll go in for the kill and take out the head of all the Yumz, but there will be some twisted plotline and the rebels will find out that Yumz is experimenting on people, trying to clone one of the rebels that is immune to the Yumz disease.

Just think Resident Evil, and you'll see the future of Yumz.

Seriously, though. I don't see what's so great about Yumz. It's not that delicious. My brother obsesses over it though, and it's annoying. It's way too crowded in there, and I'm not too fond of paying 4 bucks for a cup frozen yogurt. It's irritating.

If you agree with me about this Yumz obsession, or if you love Yumz, tell me why in the comments! I'd love to hear them (even though I'm biased).

God Doesn't Hate Gays

That's right people. God does not hate gays.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God hates gays. Nowhere. In fact, God doesn't hate anyone. Not even the devil. No matter how evil, no matter how culturally or ideologically different someone is, God does not hate them. Wanna know why? It's because God created us. He knows we're different from each other, he expects us to be different from one another.

If someone tells you "God hates gays" or "God hates _______", go ahead and punch them in the face for me, because they are sadly misinformed and need to be hit upside the head with a Bible. I don't expect you to have a Bible with you everywhere you go, so your fist will work just as well.

You may be astonished that I'm a Christian that doesn't hate gay people. It's true, I'm Christian and I don't hate gays! I actually embrace them! See, there ARE Christians out there who are educated, can read, and understand basic logic! Wow!

Congrats to New York on legalizing gay marriage. High five to you, New York!

I Was in a Good Mood Yesterday!

Yesterday was Wednesday, June 16, 2011. And fuck it, I had a good day.

My mom was home yesterday so I didn't have to deal with my brother on my own. Also, we went to Walmart. When we got home, I rode my bike a bunch, then my mommy told me that we're going to go camping soon, and that my dad is probably not coming with! He keeps bothering her about a new mattress for the camper, complaining and complaining that he doesn't like the one we already have. My mom doesn't want to buy a new mattress that we're only gonna use a few times every year. Anyway, if he doesn't come with, we won't have to hear his complaining the whole weekend.

For dinner we had twice-baked potatoes. Yum.

Later that evening, I had Kung Fu from 7-8, which was super fun 'cuz Jessie was there, and I got my first stripe! If I get enough stripes, I can get my next belt! Hurr hurr hurr.

And that was that day.

Today, not so great. My little shit-faced brother is being a douche and thinks he's cool by calling me names. I don't get why he hasn't learned not to fuck with me. I'm twice his size, I take Kung Fu, and earlier today I tried running him over with my bike. And still he laughs at me when I fall off my bike. One of these days I'm just gonna punch him in the face. Hrmph.

Why Helmets are Good and How to Properly Invite Someone Via Text

In this post, I will be addressing two things, as stated in the title.

First off, "Why Helmets are Good". I'd like to share a fun little story about a biking experience I once had.

It was a nice day during the summer, and I was out riding my bike on our street. I was not wearing a helmet. To get to the point, I was going altogether too fast and as I passed a neighbor's house, my foot somehow got stuck in the spokes of my front wheel. This brought me to an abrupt halt, sending me over the handlebars of my bike to the pavement. Also, one of the handlebars shanked me slightly below my stomach.

Although the handlebar did not puncture through my skin, the pain it caused was excruciating and left me laying in the middle of the street.

Thankfully, I sustained no serious injuries from this event (the handlebar jab didn't let me walk normally for a few days though). Let me remind you that I was not wearing a helmet. If I had been thrown any harder, I would've probably gotten some sort of head injury. Lesson learned: Don't ride too fast, mind your feet, and WEAR A HELMET.

Moving on.

I have received, on quite a few occasions, invitations from my friends via text message. I do check my messages in the rare event that I have my phone on. But, I receive them days late.

What aggravates me about this is that I'm on Facebook a lot, yet it seems like people gravitate to inviting me places via text. Also, they text the invitation once and give it no second thought when, hours later, there's still no response. Then, later, when they post things about how much fun they had somewhere, I get pissed because I think they didn't invite me.

To avoid this predicament and save your relationships with your friends, I have devised a great way to invite someone via text (you should leave at least about a day between the day you invite someone and the date of the event to provide for

First, send the person(s) you intend to invite a friendly text, saying something like, "Hey! How's your day?" or "What's up?" If they respond immediately, you can then send a secondary text containing the invitation. If they respond later in the day (either within a few minutes or a few hours), wait until you have a conversation with them where both parties responds almost immediately. When you have a good conversation going, then you can spring an invitation.

If they don't respond within a day, contact them via a different method. If they're online on Facebook or the like, send them a message or post on their wall. You could also consider going the old-fashioned route: actually calling their house and leaving voicemail if they're not home. I hope we all still know how to do that.

If you still have gotten no response from the person you're trying to invite, they're probably trying to avoid you. Just, please, don't give up on inviting someone to something if they don't respond to a text. They probably don't have their phone on.