Why I Like to Watch Television Alone

I don't get it. It happens every fucking day, and I still don't understand it.

Let me begin by saying that we have three televisions in our house. There are four of us in the family. Why the fuck is it that everyone wants to gravitate towards the television that I am watching at the moment and not either of the other two that aren't in use? I honestly don't know.

Watching TV with someone could be tolerable, hell, it could even be fun. But it isn't. You know why?

I'll tell you why.

1. I'll be watching something, and one of my family members will plop right down and not but two minutes later, they'll start criticizing the show I'm watching. First off, I didn't ask you to watch TV with me, you didn't ask if it was okay to watch TV with me. But then you start going off about how the show or someone on it is stupid. If you honestly don't like it, nobody's making you stay. Get up and leave.

2. I really don't like being on the receiving end of 20 Questions when a family member decides to tune in 5 minutes into the movie. I was watching the movie "Misery" last night, y'know, the one where Kathy Bates goes at the guy's legs with a sledgehammer? That one. Well anyway, my brother decided to watch with me (I had seen the movie before) and since he's not patient enough to watch the damn movie to get the answers, he starts rapid-firing dumbass questions at me like, "Who is that?", "What happened to him?", "What is she doing?" and I was getting fed up with the interrogation. IF YOU JUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE DAMN MOVIE, YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT, IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

3. I did not ask for a commentary. I am trying to watch the program, and you just keep talking and talking about small aspects of the movie that aren't altogether that important to the plot. Just watch the movie/show and keep your thoughts to yourself. ZIP YO' DAMN LIP.

4. Whenever someone decides they want to watch TV with me, they always choose a seat that's really uncomfortable for me. See, there are two couches in the area that I watch TV, and for some reason everyone finds the need to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I like to spread out and lay down on the couch, and if I sit up for just a few minutes, someone will stroll on by and sit in a seat directly next to me, even if there's stuff like my laptop or drawings on it. There are TWO couches. Pick the one that's NOT occupied.

Even when I'm away from the television for an extended period of time, I still get pissed off because people move my stuff that I'm busy with (like if I'm halfway through sewing a hat and I take a break) and/or they put their own stuff in my space. Also, they monopolize the TV and I have to wait like 30 minutes for them to get bored and leave. But then someone else will join in and ask me to turn just as I get the TV to myself.

And there's no real way to resolve these problems because my dad won't let me get a TV for my room.

You may be wondering why I spend so much time watching TV. It's because it's almost the end of summer, and school is about to start, so nothing interesting is happening and I have nothing better to do.

Bwahhhhh.

Yumz's Next Goal is Brain Control

You heard me. The gourmet frozen yogurt parlor you all love is a ruse.

You people sit there and eat away like there's no tomorrow. Everyone flocks to Yumz after hitting up the movie theater or a day of shopping. They probably serve over a hundred people a day. They'll keep raking in money, you'll keep filling your bellies with frozen yogurt.

But what you don't realize is that soon, Yumz is gonna put nanobots in their innocent-looking frozen yogurt. Those nanobots will be programmed to tell you that you want more and more frozen yogurt. They will overpower surrounding businesses and seep in through the cracks in the wall, and then every single store around town will be controlled by Yumz. Everyone will become Yumzombies that crave frozen yogurt instead of brains. Yumz will control Wall Street. Every business in America will be a Yumz. No need for grocery stores, there'll be frozen yogurt to eat. Mattresses? Forget it. We'll SLEEP on frozen yogurt. Our CLOTHES will be made from frozen yogurt.

Then there'll be a group of rebels who will take down the Yumz, store by store, Yumzombie by Yumzombie. Then they'll go in for the kill and take out the head of all the Yumz, but there will be some twisted plotline and the rebels will find out that Yumz is experimenting on people, trying to clone one of the rebels that is immune to the Yumz disease.

Just think Resident Evil, and you'll see the future of Yumz.

Seriously, though. I don't see what's so great about Yumz. It's not that delicious. My brother obsesses over it though, and it's annoying. It's way too crowded in there, and I'm not too fond of paying 4 bucks for a cup frozen yogurt. It's irritating.

If you agree with me about this Yumz obsession, or if you love Yumz, tell me why in the comments! I'd love to hear them (even though I'm biased).